It ain't no fun

Not every war needs to be fought
Sometimes it is better to quit
Not for the fear of losing
But it ain't no fun to win with them.

Nostalgia

I visited the apartment recently (after a long time) and more than feeling felicitous looking at the advancement, I yearned for someone which made me miss my heart beat. That anxiety shock was jeopardizing. Then I reached the railway station and the past days (or may I say years) of companionship glared through my eyes only to be converted into tears. We accompanied each other in trains not so often but it was special and caring. I liked to drop her to her home whenever we met. Facts of life, or may I say bitter facts of life are always harder to digest in the times to come.


You make every effort, however small it may be, to what people say ‘Move On’ and at times you even be successful in it, but at the end you are back to square one. You try almost all the steps to get over it and try to walk ahead in life. Days pass by and you even start feeling comfortable about it, but destiny strikes at the right time and knocks you down at ground zero, bruised, disappointed and utterly depressed.

Returning from office in the shuttle, cool breeze waving through the hair, shiny glowing posters on the highway, reminds me of the invaluable time I spent in the unknown city. It feels warm from inside for a moment and right at the next moment the heart seems to burn ferociously in ache. Why in life does undesirable things take place when there is absolutely no chance of them being fulfilled? But not all the time is life the game you always wanted to play. You plan for certain things, you change the course of most of the ideas and you are all set to go. It is just then when you are swayed off your feet and off the ground so harshly that you don’t even have time to think of what the heck is happening over here. Before you come back to your senses the damage has already been done and there is nothing much left for you to do about it. The point I am trying to say is, memories last, moments die. But time flies by. The hours of the clock which were, once, pleasant become a harsh reality today. You always wish this would be a dreaded dream, a nightmare, only to wake up and know that it is nothing but a reality. The unknown language of the city, the unruly behavior of the people, the unfelt warmth in the breeze, the chilling cold of the night and an awesome sense of belonging and togetherness is what takes me aback today to shed an unnoticed tear.

Many a times, it is better to leave a prospect unanalyzed and unlooked. For it may get you down, break your heart and bring you back to from where you had started the harsh yet real journey of life. They say ‘to lose’ is the part of life. Then why don’t they also say ‘to gain’ is another part of it. I guess, these sayings were invented only to console depressed people.

Time to get strong yet again. Time to learn to stride without the guiding angel. Time to kick nostalgia out of here, not because I don’t admire it, but because it causes more pain than pleasure. It is better to be like a machine with no feelings, only biological cycles and unnerved intelligence which evolves by each passing day.

The memories are green and will always be. The moments are gone, but will remain in the hearts of thee.

Insomniac

Sleepless nights draw me into the vast void space which I have always been fascinated by but actually never witnessed it to such an extreme extent. And when it’s here, it’s simply terrifying. It scares the shit out of me. Tears have nowhere to go than to fall down from the eyes into the outside ocean. The body has left the soul behind long back. It’s just a mere organismic pool. It all might seem very fascinating to read but believe me it’s an awful feeling. I don’t know about it, but people call it depression. Every single thing has been affected and I am hating it. And above all what makes me feel angry and awe is the fact that I am feeling helpless. And I can’t do anything about it. I mean you don’t plan all the things in your life just to screw them at the end. Or do you? Every single time. I have been trying out hard to figure out the things. Can’t say whether I have been able to do that, but I am trying to keep my cool. I don’t know why and for what, but I am trying to do that. And I really don’t know why. I am psyched.

But I have decided to face it. I have decided to stand strong this time. No matter what it takes. I will see everything with my eyes and I don’t care what cost I might have to pay for it. But I will be there to witness it till the last moment. I have decided to rise up. I have decided to live.

Pyar Karne Wale Hi Kyon?

Pyar karne wale hi
Kyon hame choda karte hai
Sapne dikhane wale hi
Kyon unhe toda karte hai

Aksar log kehte hai ki
Zindagi hasne ka naam hai
Hasi dene wale hi
Kyon fir rulaya karte hai

Gehre sagar mein se bachayi thi
Doobti hui hamari kashti
Lehron se bachane wale hi
Kyon fir dubo diya karte hai

Unhone hi sikhayee thi
Yeh ulfat-e-mohabbat
Aise log hi
Kyon fir nafrat kiya karte hai

I GIve Up !!!!

I give up. I have tried my level best to even out things between us, but in vain. I am not writing this in anger or frustration, but its more of a revelation of myself. Its more of a i-accept-the-loss kind of thing. I really, have accepted the defeat. It has been a long time and now I can no more make my mind understand.
I dont say, whatever happened was wrong or you were too harsh or I am more crappy. Coz I dont want to be judgemental about anything. Its just that I want to kill this process, coz I can't try anymore.
You mean a lot to me, and even you know that, that too in the truest sense. But something or the other has to mess up and there are some past flicks which just cannot be turned off. Which creates a whole lot of nuisance.
I know, you are happy and so be it. I wanted that. That is great.
Dont take me in any wrong sense. And I am sorry for hurting you. All the best and keep smiling forever.

Stay sweet,
Sagar.